ARM USA's Quips, Quotes, Funnies
and other items of interest
It seems like every other day we receive email with funny, interesting, and/or compelling stories and information that is just too good to let go waste. So this page is what I've come up with - mainly because I need to clean up my Inbox. The following information, the veracity of which has not been confirmed, is meant for "entertainment purposes only." Do with it what you will - we just hope you enjoy it!
 
   
 
This site is dedicated to the men and women of our armes forces who give their lives, whether it be for months, years, or eternity, so that Americans can live and die FREE!!!
 
 
  Cell phone guns. Very scary stuff
 

If you get asked to test your cell phone at the airport, this is the reason.
Because cell phone guns have been discovered. The attached video clip shows how cell phone guns operate. These phones are not in the U.S. yet, but they are in use overseas. Beneath the digital phone face is a. 22-caliber handgun capable of firing four rounds in rapid succession using the standard telephone keypad. European law enforcement officials are stunned by the discovery of these deadly decoys. They say phone guns are changing the rules of engagement in Europe. "We find it very alarming," says Wolfgang Dicke of the German Police Union. "It means police will have to draw their weapons whenever a person being checked reaches for their cell hone."
Although cell phone guns are not know to have reached the U.S. yet, the FBI, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and the U.S. Customs Service say they have been briefed on the new weapons. All U.S. ports of entry have been alerted. These covert weapons were first discovered in October of 2000 when Dutch police came upon a cache during a drug raid in Amsterdam . In another recent incident, a Croatian gun dealer was caught attempting to smuggle a shipment through Slovenia into Western Europe. Police say both shipments are believed to have originated in Yugoslavia ... Interpol sent a warning to law enforcement agencies around the world. "If you didn't know they were guns, you would think they were cell phones," said Ari Zandbergen, a spokesperson for the Amsterdam police. "Only when you have one in your hand do you realize that they are heavier than a regular cell phone." Bepatient if security asks to look at your cell phone or turn it on to show that it works. They have a good reason!

CLICK FOR VIDEO
   
  Jokes
 

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
James said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married. Did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure. What was her maiden name?"
====
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
====
A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a
double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his
shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. After he finished that
one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double
scotch.
Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all
night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before
you order another."
The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she
starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
====
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me either doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really
good with the kids."
====
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
  > A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
> > counter and says "Hi. I want you to know that I hate drawing welfare
> > and I'd really rather have a job."
> >
> > The man behind the welfare desk says, "Well, your timing is
> > excellent.
> > We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
> > chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to
> > drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

> > Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be
> > expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. The starting
> > salary is $200,000 a year".
> >
> > The guy says "You're bullshitting me".
> >
> > The welfare clerk says, "Yeah, well, you started it".
   
  THE FOLLOWING ARE REAL STATEMENTS MADE DURING COURT CASES:
From a defendant representing himself . . ..
Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I allegedly stole your purse?
Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse.
Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.
----------------------------------------------------
Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant?
Defendant: No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens.
----------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys?
Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth.
Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution.
Juror: That's not true. I think prosecutors should be drowned at birth, too.
----------------------------------------------------
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
----------------------------------------------------
Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have a comment on the defendant's motion?
Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
----------------------------------------------------
Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge: What does the 'Colonel' stand for?
Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the 'Honorable' in front of your name - not a damn thing.
----------------------------------------------------
Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your defense?
Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?
----------------------------------------------------
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court?
Judge: Of course.
Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?
Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail.
Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?
Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.
Defendant: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.
   
  Subject: Columbine update
Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm? On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's sub-committee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert!

These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of
violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers."

"The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used. Neither was it the NCA, the National "Club" Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart."

"In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent."

"I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy-it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. "I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today":

Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!

"Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, soul, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact.

What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs - politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws.

"Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. Political posturing and restrictive legislation are not the answers. The young people of our nation hold the key. There is a spiritual awakening taking place that will not be squelched! We do not need more religion. We do not need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage. We do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people with basic needs are being ignored. We do need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgment that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God!"

"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his friends murdered before his very eyes-He did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America, and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA - I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone! My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"
   
  From FirearmNews.com's Weekly Newsletter
"Today, we need a nation of Minutemen, citizens who are not only prepared
to take arms, but citizens who regard the preservation of freedom as the
basic purpose of their daily life and who are willing to consciously work
and sacrifice for that freedom." - John F. Kennedy
   
   The Ant and the Grasshopper
OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,
the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so
he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

*= *= *= *= *= *= *= *= *= *= *= *= *= *= *= *=
MODERN VERSION (Liberal American) :

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well
fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a
table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson stages
a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the
group singing "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down
to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Tom Daschle &Walter Mondale exclaim in an interview with Peter
Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper,
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay
his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper
Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for
failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing
left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation
suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the
once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican